It was great to find this honest tale in the inbox yesterday – only relief for this UK mum who found escape from a toxic situation when her kid left home. It’s not always doom and gloom when they go …
“When my kid left home? Well, there is a story … I couldn’t wait. As simple and as harsh as that. I simply could not wait. If she hadn’t packed her bags herself, I would have done it for her. It was time, time, time she went. I near as damn it had a chart stuck to my bedroom wall ticking off the sleeps.
She knew this too, it was time.
This person who set my soul on fire, who I had lived and breathed for over 21 years, was off on a university placement overseas. That cold morning in March, I kissed her goodbye, told her to look after herself and that I am unconditionally here for her, and I love her, waved her good bye, and watched the taxi disappear. As it happened, I was starting a new job that very same day, so putting her in a taxi was not the most important thing about my day.
I walked back to the house, feeling elated, peaceful, happy, and wracked with guilt. Later, walking back into the house that night, after my first day at my new workplace, and knowing she wasn’t there, enveloped me in peace and contentment. Six years of toxicity shed itself in seconds.
So when I read tales of heartbreak and tears as our most precious things find their wings, it doesn’t resonate with me. It must surely depend on what your relationship was like in the months, or years leading up to them leaving? For me, what went so wrong? Who knows… Allowing myself to be a doormat? Not knowing the power of the word no, or not using it enough? And when I did, my god, did I hear about it.
Six years of general lack of respect, care and consideration.
Albeit peppered with episodes of apology, and ‘I don’t know why I do it Mum’, which after a while became as genuine as a dog feeling bad for stealing a sausage. Suffice to say, I was tired. And so was she. And she knew it. But the years leading up to her departure are for another story. This is about how it was when this kid of mine finally left home.
When she arrived in her new sunny and hot overseas destination, she rang in tears. The apartment wasn’t nice, she didn’t know what to do. I resisted telling her she didn’t have to stay – I told her to crack on, be the strong independent person I had always encouraged her to be, and it will work out.
Ten months later, I miss her, it makes me cry. We speak regularly, she told me she feels all her toxins have left her, she can see clearly and feels balanced and happy. My heart beats with pride, and I want to shout from the roof tops how amazing she is.
She’ll be back in a couple of months. Her homecoming? I cannot wait.”
Thanks for sharing your experience, others can do so here too.